All the things (2009)

All the things I’ve done in my life...

I’ve played the piano,

Gone fly fishing: Played the flute: the saxophone, the recorder, the treble and the tin whistle.

I’ve eaten hot food and cold food,

I drank coffee and drank Liquor: I’ve gone sailing. And tried to be a kick boxer.

I was a pretty good indoor climber once upon a time.

I spoke French, and slept in Germany on two different occasions,

I’ve been skiing, Snowboarding, Blading and snow shoeing.

I’ve been Synchronised swimming and walked across Greece. Broke my knee in Austria, and shattered my hips in Bugsworth. I swam for my county.

Been wind surfing, and tried to surf, once.

I travelled half way across the world by myself,

I’ve eaten a Goat’s ear, and been within half a foot of a Silver back Gorilla.

I’ve jumped in water so cold my heart stopped-

I’ve been dropped and pulled off chairs.

I used to love to play my Saxophone-I learnt to walk in high heels. And I’ve had a few jobs. I stole things from shops until I got caught, nearly.

I had really bad sex.

I’ve been slapped and I’ve not wanted to leave.

I saw a snake skin and a Gekko fell on my head. I’ve seen a man with no legs beat me to the bus.

I’ve smoked over 2000 cigarettes. I’ve studied at least 25 subjects.

I’ve slept with a girl. I’ve been scuba diving.

I Fell in love

I had some tattoos. I’ve been very sad and made some amazing friends.

I’ve been to free parties, and tried to grow my own Veg.

I fought with my Dad and got money from selling drugs.

I’ve had amazing sex.

I pierced my ear and my mum ripped it out. Once I made a dress and crafted a clay pot. I knitted a pillow I never finished.

I learnt how to ride a bike, I’ve driven a car.

I can look after a horse and I can train cats and dogs, I use computers and I write the odd text message.

I jumped off a cliff and I slept in a tent.

I’ve chopped off a dog’s balls and I’ve made shitty tele sales calls.

I’ve quit my job.

I managed a shop and sold a painting. I’ve told a 1000 lies.

I died my hair. I spoke German and I lived in Spain for about 8 Months.

I’ve been in a play and I went to 6 schools, apparently I’m Dyslexic.

A book has been read and I know how to decode a map. I crashed a Van and have sat on roof tops and taken drugs.

I’ve starved myself and been sick. I had surgery on my eyes and my heart: I broke my wrist.

I’ve betrayed and been betrayed. I’ve been moved by Art and movies, so I tried to take a photograph and bought a few dresses.

I got so angry I punched a wall and broke my fist. I’ve been gambling,

I used to do Gymnastics, I once was trained as a life guard,

A surveyor

A psychiatrist.

So tell me,

What am I supposed to do now?